So for the first time in SIX years I was able to put my family and myself first. I stood-by my decision to stay home without the fear of being fired. And wow, it felt good!!!
But before I get to that; let’s rewind……
Just about 48 hours ago I was checking into my flight for Vegas to meet up with three of my best friends for a much needed vacation.
The hubs and I have been grindin’ for the past 90 days and a couple of days away together is just what we NEEDED. I really hate being away from the kids, because FOMO, and stress and anxiety! And yes, all the mom guilt. But I knew we needed a little break. (I feel guilty even thinking like that! GAH.)
Finding balance while working from “home” can be difficult. Especially because Fourever Lane is still new, and we have so many projects in the works! But, RT and I were desperate to come up for air and take a step back. And damn it I owe it to him.
We decided to plan a quick trip to Vegas to meet up with some of our best friends and shop all the things for Fourever Lane at MAGIC. Kill two birds with one stone because a little business, and a little party never hurt any one amiiiiiright?
WELP. LIFE HAPPENED AND HERE WE ARE.
Tillie woke up sick ((AGAIN)), the boys’ sports schedule became more than one papa could handle by himself, and my apprehension of leaving under those circumstances just became too much to push off. As the anxiety started crawling under my skin, my best friend called and said, “You can’t go to Vegas. It is going to be more stress than it’s worth.” Tears started rolling down my face. She knew. My best friend knew what I needed to hear. I needed to know that it was ok for me to stay home because that had never been the case in the past.
It was in this moment that I truly felt what it was like to be your own boss.
You see for years, I ran my own team, but I still had to answer to someone, explain myself to another person, or justify my fashion/styling choices. For years, I tried to escape backlash by conforming and just doing what I was told regardless of how it made my family or me feel. I was constantly being pushed up against a wall (figuratively) and/or whispered about, and looked at sideways for even considering choosing my family over my business. Sitting here spelling it all out, is gut-wrenching all over agin. It’s legit wild to think that was my life for so long….
Anywhoo—even though I’m not in Vegas living my best life with my hubs and three best friends-- I’m exactly where I need to be-- home, worry-free, still employed (HA), wiping snotty noses, running two little boys back and forth to basketball and wrestling. And running a rad little clothing business. I can promise you after feeling this free, I am going to continue to work endlessly so I don’t ever have to sacrifice the freedom to choose again!
Vegas will be there. But my babies, well, they will only be this little for a little while longer.
What is something that you struggle to deal with? Share your feelings about mom guilt and comment below! It’s my hope that we can support one another, just like my beautiful friend, AB supported me.
xo,
MP
12 comments
I love this so much. Thank you for sharing. Vegas will still be there!
My son is going through some really rough times at school—having emotional breakdowns and banging himself in the head (and today into a door). He’s turning 8 this week and the perfectionist in him is getting the best of Him and going through the process (or getting it started) to get him on a positive track is daunting is breaking my heart. I feel like I’m failing him. ☹️
I’ve been where you are at. I traveled a ton when the kids were little and had to figure out the “balance thing”. Like you, I had a supportive husband and figured out what I needed to do. It’s hardest when the kids are all in school because they have a schedule that you can’t mess with. You’re doing great and your teaching them all that strong women can be a success while being mothers. Believe me when I say that this is an important message. They’ll be better for it. You Do You!
I think it’s great you got to do what’s right for you. But don’t forget moms need breaks also, we need to recharge our batteries. Maybe right now was not the time, but you should take time for you soon. I’m a single mom of two teenagers; so I grab the chance to disappear anytime I get the opportunity :)
I’m SO freaking sad you’re not here in Vegas but SOOOO glad you get to be present with your family when they need you most. ❤️❤️❤️
I get it. I soooooooo get it. Half the time I feel like every day is a struggle. The other half I feel like the luckiest person ever. I have a full-time corporate job working from home, with 3 young kids that I’m running around. My husband works crazy hours, and I decided to start my own business. I wonder why on Earth would I choose to do this during the absolute busiest time of my life. Like I really have time for more responsibility. I’m burning the candle at both ends, completely exhausted all the time. I feel like I can’t miss a single thing. My kids need me. My husband needs me. I haven’t even been putting myself last….I’ve been completely leaving me out. I just saw a post of Facebook the other day. It said “don’t give up on your dreams. The you 5 years from now needs you to not give up on her”, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. No. This is not the best or easiest time to take on all of this. It’s really hard sometimes. I wish I would’ve done this 5 years ago so I could benefit now. But I didn’t. And if I give up or slow down now I’ll regret it in 5 years. There will always be time for me later. I can tell you though I’ll never ever regret putting my kids first now. They need me. I look up to you. You’re doing a great job. Look at all your accomplished. Like I said in my note, you’re amazing, you’re style is impeccable, and it’s your time to shine. Enjoy it. Once this hard work pays off Vegas will be waiting for you!
It’s clear as day how much you love your family and would do anything for them. Such a beautiful thing to see. I was very fortunate and blessed to have the greatest parents who go above and beyond like you and your husband. I wish all children could have the greatest parents in the world. If I could make one wish that would be it.
Something I’ve been struggling with since I turned 40 is coming to the realization that I may never be a Mom. You see, I just never found my forever person and well time flew by and before I knew it I turned 42 😳 After dedicating 20 years of my life to the same company I will be leaving at the end of June. I don’t know what my future holds and quite frankly I’m scared shitless but I know I’ll be okay. I was raised to say please and thank you, to be kind and treat others with respect, to believe in myself when others doubted me, and to work hard and give it everything I got. Whatever we are all struggling with I pray it passes and your tomorrow is even brighter than today. ✌️♥️😃
Good for you. Follow your gut instinct. Anxiety is crippling. I suffer from severe anxiety and after having my kids it worsened. Mom guilt is the worst
… I feel like there should be a happy medium though because you gotta take a break. Before kids it was just you guys. When your kids grow up and get a family of their own, it’s just you and your hubby. So making time for breaks, a breath, you time is important. There is nothing like leaving a sick kid behind though… You gotta do what you gotta do because at the end of the day it’s about FAMILY. Don’t let it upset you. Just keep on keepin on girl! Xoxo
The timing of this post is fascinating…I was not in your position but felt similar chains. I am grateful to truly be my own boss—and I came to a similar conclusion today about my small kids and their need for their mother to fully be with them now. Things can wait. And don’t forget there are NYC shows that are awesome too!
It goes by so fast. One day I woke up and my youngest is 10 years old. We have built in babysitters which allows for more mom and dad time but they still need us.
I am only one part time but a full time position opened up. As I sat in my bosses office and we talked about our kids she suddenly had a change of heart.
She said “you can’t go full time, they still need you after school”
And she’s right.
I am blessed that I work 10 minutes away from home, 20 hours a week and receive full benefits. I could not have it any better.
Vegas will still be there.
Just wait one day they will want you to leave 🤣.
I am a wet sobbing mess. So thankful for friends that know us well. Thankful for this life that you’re living. You’re one of the best Momma’s that I know. It goes by fast, too fast honestly. Honestly I’m still grieving my oldest leaving home to join the military. She’s fine, she’s doing well, we talk almost daily, and still it’s just tough sometimes. Our kids have always gone wherever we’ve gone and I can count on one hand the times that we’ve been away without them, so I know that we’ve spent lots of time with them. It just never seems like enough I guess. I’m the same way with my parents, I talk to them daily, if not twice a day. Again, I’m so happy for you and this journey..and you’re right Vegas will be there, another show will be there. You’re exactly where you need to be! ❤️
The mom guilt is the worst !!! I finally dropped from full time to part time after my second son was born and it still doesn’t seem like enough. Every time I work my older son begs me not to but I know that In the end when he’s older he’ll understand. It doesn’t change how difficult it is. Especially after finally getting home from a 12 hour shift just to finally sit with him to read him a book and my pager goes off for an emergency heart attack. I then rush and put my blue scrub pants back on and he instantly knows what that means and he begs me to stay i spend maybe a minute which I don’t even have to spare to try to explain to him that someone needs mommy in this very moment more then he does. How heartbreaking is that. I tell him someone’s heart is hurting and they need mommies help and because he’s Seriosuly the most amazing 4 year old ever he gives me
A hug and kiss and says mommy go fix them. Can you snuggle me when you get back. Instant tears and sobs on my
Drive into work. But when I do get back from whatever emergency shit show I walked into I snuggle him tighter then ever while trying not to wake his baby brother. Life as a mom is so hard especially when you work but kids know that we love them. Keep killing it girl. I’m so jealous that you can work and provide and still be home with them but I know that also has it’s share of balance and guilt. Life always will 💚💛